Over the past year or so, I have questioned God’s purpose in having me in the stage of life that I desire not to be in. I have struggled with anger, jealousy, and loneliness. I have believed at times that no one struggles with their sinful nature as I do, and that no one (let alone the God of the universe) has an interest is pursuing a relationship with me.
This is of course a lie. God sent His only son to die on a cross to redeem me. Each of you have shown love, kindness, and care for me in ways that I cannot describe.
While I may not be closer to knowing all of God’s purposes for this season, I have begun to see two and wish to share them with you. First is that the heart is deceitful and left to its own devices will lead to ruin. Second is that I cannot discipline my heart on my own. I know I know, not mind blowing stuff, but things that I have been dealing with.
The reason that I share all of this with you is two-fold. First a request. Second a challenge.
First, while I KNOW that I am not traveling through this world friendless, it can sure sometimes FEEL that way. I would ask that if I randomly pop into your head that you take it as a prompting from the Holy Spirit and pray for me and if you feel led(and I hope you do, though not every time!), to text or call me to let me know that you are praying for me. Please do not worry about work hours or if it is a good time. I promise that even if I can’t answer, it is still a good time.
Second, and here is the challenge, I know that I must engage with God more if I am to understand His purpose and will for my life. That only listening to and engaging with the true narrative can I hope to replace the one that plays in my heart. To that end, I propose to study the book of Colossians from now until the end of May. My hope is that in that time frame I will read the book multiple times and perhaps start to memorize some passages. I would love for any of you that are willing, to join me and to read it in your own quiet times. We don’t even have to discuss it, but we can if you want.
Thank you for reading such a long e-mail/family blog post.
Nathan
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Thanks for sharing this, Nathan! I am glad to know these things.
I will read Colossians with you.
I will be reading and praying with you! Thanks for honestly sharing your heart.
praying and reading!! love you Nathan!!
Nathan, “its mind blowing stuff” every time we can cry out to God alone and with each other. Kristen and I have been bemoaning the lack of Christian fellowship in our own lives recently. I would love some fellowship in the Lord for my own growth and as well. Colossians sounds good to me. We love you and are praying for you.
Adam
Oh, Nathan! You are not alone in your struggles. I will definitely be praying for you! This verse has encouraged me recently: “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13
Thank you for sharing this Nathan! Know that you aren’t alone! All of us struggle with the different lies satan attacks us with! We all struggle to be content in Jesus! We love you and will be praying.
Nathan, you often do “pop” into my head. I’ll be praying for you and I’ll read Colossians “with” you too. 🙂
I’m glad the Lord moved you to share with us. We will read and pray with you. Count on our support.
Hmm, you’ve been randomly popping into my head a lot lately, because you’re just THAT cool. Loneliness is a hard lie to combat in some ways because our own insecurity about the way people approach us, or lack thereof, is encouraged by everyone else’s insecurities about everything else (which affect how and whether they approach people). It’s something I’ve struggled with recently, too. I’ll be praying and reading!
I, too, am no stranger to this struggle and will certainly be praying for you. “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).
I will pray and read, too! I definitely struggle with my sin. I tend to worry a lot, and recently I have been noticing that it seems like once I start not worrying about one thing, a few seconds later I’m doing it again…but about something else. It really feels like a war. It’s amazing that God is sooo gracious and still works through me! How great it will be when Jesus comes back and such sin will no longer war against our souls! Love you, Nathan!
I also wrestle with being discontent about my stage in life. In many ways, I expected my life to be different from what it is now, particularly in terms of career and marital status. It is nice, though, that we can tell God we don’t understand and present our concerns to him without fear.
I also often have a sense of loneliness that seems to stem from feeling somewhat disconnected from the body of Christ. Continuing with the imagery of a body, I often feel like an arm or a leg that has gone limp.
Reading Colossians together sounds fun. Count me in!
Thank you for sharing, Nathan. I will be praying for you and reading with you. I love you.
Mom
One of the “confirmations” God is bringing Katie, Mom, and I back to Chattanooga is the joy of knowing you deeper. I have earnestly prayed on your behalf (James 5:16) and I look with great interest in God’s provision. Colossians it is! Dad