Uganda

I have been so fickle this semester in trying to decide whether or not I should go to Uganda. Somedays I would decide conclusively not to go to Uganda in favor of staying here and getting heavily involved in my home church, which I have been wanting to do for a long time but have been impeded by school and work; and then I would suddenly change my mind. I would be overtaken with the feeling that going to Uganda would be more spiritual than going, and that if I were not to go this summer I would never have the chance to go again and my spiritual life would always be second rate. I think that this feeling was due in part to the way those who were recruiting presented the trip. Whether they meant to present the trip this way or not I do not know, but that is the way I took it.

My final decision came about in a somewhat dramatic way. Last Thursday I decided to go to Uganda. On Friday I began writing my support letter, and I called the recruiters. They were really happy and excited because they had really wanted me to go; the one leading the trip said he had to be the tickets really soon so he suggested that I call people and ask for pledges to get an idea of how much money I would be able to raise. So on Saturday I spent several hours calling people and finishing my support letter. I felt so strange about going. For some reason I didn’t feel like myself; and as I was calling people and writing my support letter I realized that my heart really wasn’t set on the trip and I wasn’t really excited about going.

On Sunday I talked with my family for a couple of hours and prayed with them. It seemed to all of us that my motivations for going were born more from being pressured to go–probably by a mixture of external pressure and internal pressure fueled by misconceptions about Uganda–rather than a true desire to go; and I did not really feel peace about going. So I decided finally to not go to Uganda, and I feel much relieved.

I think that I have learned–or rather, have begun to learn–some important things. Throughout this semester I have felt blown by the wind in trying to decide whether to go to Uganda. This has called my attention to my great need to be rooted in God’s word and His love. I think that my double-mindedeness was due in part to a poor understanding of God’s promises and His great love for me. I think another thing that has struck me is my lack of prayer regarding this decision. I was busy with school, and I did not feel like spending a lot of time thinking about going. I do not think that business is a good excuse. I think that if I had been actively seeking God’s will through prayer I would not have been swayed so easily.