During the summer I did research with Wim Dickhoff. I would say I wasn’t researching as much as I was learning how to do research. I worked on a few projects, but many times I felt like I was beating my head against an iron wall. This frustration was due partly to reading difficult material (for which I was probably not really prepared), and partly to not having a lot of computer programming experience. Another factor could have been that Wim was gone for half the summer, although I did e-mail him frequently.
However, instead of trying to find a way around or through the iron wall of ignorance, I would often let doubt take the reigns. Doubts would flood my mind frequently and I had difficulty keeping them at bay. I allowed them to kill my joy and they made me sullen and maybe even depressed sometimes.
Interestingly, Wim had more confidence in me than I had in myself, and he repeatedly indicated that I was doing fine. I still had difficulty believing him, though; but he was (and continues to be) very patient with me. In this respect, I would say, to my shame, that Wim (who is not a Christian) was more righteous than I. I found his reassurance rather surprising, because in my own eyes I felt so incompetent. I would say that his acceptance of me was one of the things that helped me to realize how silly I was being. Oddly enough, I think God has used Wim’s character to help me to grow spiritually.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
is Wim a professor?
Most people battle with issues such as yours and it is a real blessing for God to give assurances on our worth and ability, even from unexpected places. Even though we know the value he placed on us through the sufferings of his Son we really need his assurances in practical ways as well. Your experience of last summer seems to me to be a life’s milestone, one you will remember.
Woody
PS We know you are doing a great job!
I like hearing about how you are growing and learning Seth.
Yes, Wim is a professor